I Don't Have to Like You

 

I believe one of the most important lessons I have learned in life is that we are forever changing. We are constantly changing within ourselves as well as others are around us. They may be a family member, a friend, a member of the school board, the President or a Tik Tok creator. And while change is inevitable as well as apparent, I don't think everyone looks at it in the same way that I do. 

You see, when I was my daughter's age I was taught to be kind. I was taught to speak and play with others in a positive, kind way. I was told to be nice to my classmates, to not leave anyone out and to share. As an adult I follow the same principals but they are not engraved in stone as they were at my younger age. Instead, these morals are in clay- with the ability to mold, revise and morph to the specific situation because frankly I do not owe everyone my kindness. I do not owe everyone my ability to be kind. I am not required to share, nor am I required to make sure everyone isn't feeling left out. I have the power to pick and choose what is important for me. 

Okay, you read that last sentence and it either made sense to you or you're slightly judging me at this point. That's okay. I get it. I would judge me too if I didn't walk the life I have or experienced such trials. When I say I have the power to choose what is important for me, I mean I choose what and who I put my energy into. I like to refer to myself as a recovering empath. Sounds crazy, right? But hear me out... maybe you are an empath yourself and can understand. If not, I will try my best to explain. 

Being an empath is draining. It can be so emotionally and physically draining that you often times do not have enough energy for yourself. To be around others that are angry, hurt, sad, anxious-- and feel those same exact feelings is extremely difficult to explain. If they are hurt, you feel that and if you are anything like I was you would take that negative energy and feel like you HAD to fix what you think was causing it. Others' problems become your own because it FEELS like your own. 

For my children, I don't want this. I want them to be kind people but I do not want them to be people pleasers, nor do I want them to do so much for others they find their own glass is empty. There are times I am able to do more for others and times I just cannot. To understand and know your own boundaries can fluctuate is everything and I hope I teach my children the same lesson.